Dec 27, 2023

Where Has the Sensuality Gone?

Sensuality is a core component of most successful romantic relationships. So, when it disappears, it can be a shock for both parties.

The trick is to find out where it went. The relationship was sensual before, so surely it can return!

Sometimes, the absence of sensuality is for strictly biological reasons (such as getting sick). But most of the time, other factors are involved.

As such, this post focuses on the latter. We explore the psychology and logistics behind lost sparks in the bedroom and how to recover them.

Your Partner Feels Hurt

Sensuality can ooze out of a relationship if your partner feels hurt by something you did or said that you didn’t resolve. Allowing a problem to fester can reduce libido and terminate intimacy in the bedroom.

Some couples find identifying sources of hurt straightforward, for example, things said in anger during arguments. However, pain can be harder to find for others where the causes aren’t so clear-cut.

Therefore, if bedroom fun is lacking, take some time to explore your partner’s hurt feelings. Try to get to the bottom of what’s gone wrong for them. Resolving the problem can turn the situation around fast.

You Are Keeping Secrets

Another reason sensuality might disappear is if you are keeping secrets from your partner. Sexuality flourishes when you feel emotionally and spiritually free. However, if you are hiding things, you don’t have that same sense of abandon, which can lead to intimacy problems down the line.

Approved secrets are okay, such as hiding the fact you’re organizing a birthday party for your partner. However, texting exes (or worse) without them knowing is a killjoy for intimacy. Don’t do it!

You Aren’t Cuddling And Holding Enough

couple sensuality

Source: Pexels

You might also be experiencing sensuality issues if you aren’t holding each other enough. Ideally, physical contact should be a habitual part of your relationship, not just around sex.

If you don’t hold your partner, they will become suspicious and, perhaps, stressed every time you do because they will think it’s for sex. Likewise, if they start cuddling up to you, you may suspect their motives and wonder why they only do it when they want to go to bed with you.

To solve this problem, make cuddling and holding without sex a part of your daily activities. Shimmy up to your partner when on the sofa or before you sleep. Make physical contact when they come through the door at night but don’t automatically move on to sex. Show that you are there for them, and the intimacy may return!

You Are Parenting Your Partner

You could also be running into problems if you are loving your partner like a parent or a child. While it might sound cute, it can have all sorts of nasty psychological ramifications.

Sex often leaves relationships when one partner views the other as being “too nice.” Lavishing them with attention and affection (and fighting their battles for them) can bring the relationship to the point where sex feels “icky” because it is too reminiscent of the parent-child bond.

To reverse this dynamic, recognize what’s going on by identifying each other’s roles. Figure out who is playing the parent and the child, and work to reduce behaviors that reinforce those roles. Focus on establishing more traditional roles in the partnership to bring sexiness back to the bedroom.

There’s Boredom In The Bedroom

Another reason for a lack of sensuality could be boredom in the bedroom. Going through the same motions every night might put one or both partners off.

The trick here is to explore new forms of physical intimacy. Options include:

Embracing curiosity and trying new things
Buying sex toys online and experimenting with them
Changing how long intimacy lasts (from short to long, or vice versa)

We will try to keep this article family-friendly, but we’re confident you can think up some more ideas on your own!

You Or Your Partner Are Depressed

Intimacy can also leave your relationship if you or your partner is depressed. Depression can cause a loss of libido, making a person less interested in sex.

The primary reason for this is changes in brain chemistry. The brains of depressed people struggle to get into a state where sex or physical intimacy is attractive. They can also struggle with anhedonia, an inability to enjoy once pleasurable things.

If you feel depressed, you can:

Talk to someone you trust about your feelings.
Get professional help from medical practitioners who can diagnose the condition and offer talk therapy or medical treatment.
Take better care of yourself by eating healthier and sleeping more at night.
Connect with others socially to reduce feelings of isolation and enhance your mood.
Practice self-care by learning to set boundaries at work or indulging in hobbies occasionally.
Take more exercise and avoid alcohol and illegal substances.

Logistical Factors Are Getting In The Way

Logistical factors may also be why sensuality has gone from your romantic relationship. It might not be possible for you to “make the beast with two backs” whenever the urge takes you.

For example:

You might have too many children roaming around the house or knocking on your door at night
You could be too busy with work and don’t have time to spend with your partner
It might be hard to get sensual with each other because you live with your parents or other people
You live too far away

Solving these logistical problems can take time. However, it is possible with commitment and getting your priorities sorted. Aligning your schedules and finding a place to live together increases the odds of sparks flying in the bedroom a lot. You can also try going away on dirty weekends if you like that sort of thing. (Who doesn’t?)

You Can’t Feel Vulnerable

Lastly, you or your partner might not want physical intimacy if either or both parties struggle with vulnerability. Getting physically intimate in the bedroom means opening yourself up to the other person, which you might find hard to do if you are independent and strong.